I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
sex in a hospital.. check
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
