also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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