omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
His nipple licking is glorious
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