if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
