U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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