i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
