Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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