I think scott just propositioned me for sex
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize