This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
