seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
