Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize