i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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