hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
