Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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