Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
