I heard we made out
Duck Duck Cougar?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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