My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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