i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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