god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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