I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
