They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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