There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
