Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
