Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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