i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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