My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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