I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
