I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
