Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
