i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the liver wants what the liver wants
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
