May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
