The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
