I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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