I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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