I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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