He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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