i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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