dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
