it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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