i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
