hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
