i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
