I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
