the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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