you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
