Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
