So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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