Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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