She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize