Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
