She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
