I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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