I heard we made out
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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