reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So. Much. Porn.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
