Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
