Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
