Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
