Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
