mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize